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From C-Sections to Twitter to Facebook to Hate Mail

Hate Mail by sardonicasshole

It was bound to happen: I received my very first piece of hate mail. Yes siree, delivered via Facebook from a ‘friend’. A rambling message with horrible grammar to boot (which just made it that much more unpleasant to read), spewing insults and untruths – all directed at my blog and me. I can’t say that I wasn’t offended. I tried not to be, but I was.

It all started when I Re-Tweeted three of @babyREADY’s blog posts. Sam from babyREADY did a three part series commenting on a three part series in The Ottawa Citizen about c-sections: Why there are so many, how c-sections interfere with mother-baby bonding, and changing the c-section trend. babyREADY commented on the three articles here, here and here. Anyone who knows me or reads my blog regularly knows that this a topic close to my heart.

Anyway, what started as comments on my Facebook status, which were bad enough, continued with a personal message to my Facebook inbox. To sum it up she wrote that women who’ve had c-sections should “just get on with their lives and let it go” and that I have “no right to complain” about how my kids were born because they “are all around [me]”; the implication being that if my children are alive that I just better shut-up and be happy about it. She went on to write that I have a “real victim mentality,” that I somehow attack women who’ve had unnecessary c-sections, and that my blog “screams” that the world is out to get women who don’t “NIP [nurse in public], co-sleep, so on and so forth.”

She wrapped it up oh so nicely by writing that people like babyREADY and me, who write about these issues are “hysteria-mongers who succeed in making people feel guilty about their own choices/experiences.” Then she called me “self-righteous and indignant.”

But on the bright side, she believes that I “mean well.” Oh gee. Thanks.


I was telling a couple of friends about it and one said, “I guess that comes with being a celebrity blogger. People think they know you.” Well, I don’t know if I’ve quite reached celebrity blogger status yet…but at least I know people are reading.

Photo by sardonicasshole via flickr.

13 thoughts on “From C-Sections to Twitter to Facebook to Hate Mail

  1. Kunsthure

    You can’t win no matter which side you’re on. If you’re a scheduled unnecessary c/s mom that formula feeds, forces babies to CIO, etc, you’d be getting hate mail from the extremists on the other side.

    Isn’t it funny how pro-AP, pro-natural childbirth, pro-BFing are always accused of being self-righteous and judgmental by mainstream moms? No one wants to hear that their choices are wrong, and if you dare point out that BFing is the way nature intended us to feed out babies, the formula feeders scream out because part of them realizes they’ve made a poor decision.

    While I wasn’t negatively affected by my unplanned c/s like many moms are, it still irritates me when people say things like, “At least you got the most important thing: a healthy baby,” and other such drivel. There’s nothing like minimizing someone’s feelings, especially relating to something as life-changing as childbirth, right?

    You’re right to be offended, but we got your back! 🙂

  2. BarbaraH

    I totally agree Kunsthare. Guilt is a very powerful thing. If not driven by guilt then why the need to defend her choices.

    We got your back Sister.

  3. Crystal

    How obnoxious of that person to berate you like that! She took it too far. I like your blog, you don’t come off as judgmental at all, but people seem to have a hard time playing nice while playing on the “internets”. 🙂 And the “healthy baby” card annoys the heck out of me, it’s just another way to shut women up and marginalize women who choose to use their brain and THINK.

    Ironically, all the women who I hear talking about “Oh, I dont’ CARE how the baby comes out, just cut-me-up I only care about having a healthy baby”, are the very 1st to bow out of breastfeeding after a pathetic 1-2wk so-called “attempt”. They’ll say stuff like “it just didn’t work for me” or “we switched to formula because I did not like the round-the-clock 2am 4am 6am feedings and hubby wanted to be able to help out” etc. etc.. What about all that healthy-baby talk? Yeah, that goes out with the wind, and the hypocrisy of so many people just amazes me.

  4. Brie

    It is a sign that people are reading, but gosh, please be nice with your responses. I always wonder what to do when I read something on someone’s blog that I don’t agree with. Usually I just leave it and don’t say anything because it is there opinion and my opinion is only my opinion.

  5. TheFeministBreeder

    These people make me angry. ANGRY! The reason so much PTSD and birth trauma goes untreated is because of people like this who tell a mother “all that matters is the healthy baby” and “get over it.”

    A HEALTHY MOTHER MATTERS TOO!!!! Ughg, I could go on and on, but you know I support you and what you’re doing.

  6. Sam @babyREADY

    Well, you KNOW I support what you write! We are SO on the same page. I am sorry someone decided to try to knock you down like that. I am with @Kunsthure and agree that “we’ve got your back!”

    Keep fighting the good fight and there will be more and more happy, healthy MOMS AND BABIES as a result!

  7. Amber

    I’ve had one Facebook friend respond to every single post I make about breastfeeding with a negative reaction. I have to wonder why she’s reading them. Really, we’re clearly not a good fit, just ignore them.

    Anyway, I’m sorry it happened to you. I think you’re awesome. And you have many people who are on the same page and agree with you completely.

  8. Morgan

    Just curious, but how many c-sections had your “friend” had? I always find it interesting how people that have never had a c-section can have such strong opinions on how we should feel about ours.

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  10. sophieb1988

    When I was pregnant, I didn’t really bother to read a whole lot about c-sections because I had determined I wouldn’t have one. HA. I did the most basic of research and recalled only what was necessary in case of emergency, which is exactly what happened. On the operating table, I requested a stitching form that I’d read about which was supposed to be less likely to result in rupture during a future pregnancy/labor.

    I searched wordpress for “c-sections” because I wanted to know what other women were thinking. Have I been alone all this time? -I needed to know if I missed out on something. If I should just “suck it up and be happy” with the fact that I had a beautiful baby.

    I hate people like the woman who wrote to you because they don’t realize that NOT getting your way SUCKS. There’s just no other phrasing to use. IT SUCKS! A girl dreams about being a mommy some day and it sure as hell doesn’t involve being numb from the neck down. It is a loss. It’s a feeling that you’ve missed out on this “beautiful process” and “God-given blessing” to give birth to your child… C-sections are horrific experiences and if in your case it wasn’t, CONGRATULATIONS! Enjoy your cookie!

  11. Amanda

    Sophie, you are NOT alone. There are so many great resources out there. I had a good support system but didn’t start blogging until after all my kids were born. Through blogging I’ve “met” lots of other wise mamas. The support is there, just reach out.

    Thanks for your comment!

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