Don’t get me wrong. I love Facebook. But every once in a while, I am reminded that it can be a pain in the ass – kind of like the feeling of 10 feet up my ass, to tell you the truth.
Recently my Facebook status read, “The nice thing about Facebook is that old friends from 25 years ago can find you. The bad thing about Facebook is that old friends from 25 years ago can find you. Good thing they can be gone as quickly as they came.”
Here’s why: a couple of weeks ago I was the target of a Facebook attack. It’s not the first time this has happened. Both times it was as a result of a link I’d posted. Most recently, it was a link to an article written by Dr. James McKenna on the Mother-Baby Behavioural Sleep Laboratory website about the long-term effects of bed-sharing.
Well, one of my newly added Facebook “friends” took issue with this link and a bit of a back-and-forth ensued. This woman is someone I knew for a few years about 25 years ago. It is someone I never thought I’d hear from again, but alas, she popped up as a friend request a few days before this incident. Needless to say, we are no longer Facebook friends.
I had to restrain myself. I mean really restrain myself from posting the entire exchange here. It was actually really funny. She spewed these long, ranting, stream-of-consciousness comments all with a clear message: co-sleeping bad. I responded a couple of times – trying really hard to do so in a respectful way, without name calling or attacking – but I soon realized that it was pointless. She had her view and she was not willing to have any sort of intelligent debate about it. So I just stopped. I told her she was insane and I asked her not to contact me again.
I wish she could have seen all the comments before I defriended her. There were more than 50 comments in all; my real friends spoke up in support. There were also endless jokes about sex, poutine, cupcakes and me going to bed with feet up my ass. If nothing else, I should thank this old “friend” for the entertainment value we all got out of it.
Instead of posting the whole ridiculous back and forth, I’ve chosen just a few gems to share with you here:
(As a side note, I was trying to find the rules around using the term sic when there are multiple errors and I couldn’t find any. Everything I read said that you should use the term after each error. If I had done that I would have used the word so many times it would have been ridiculous. I’ll just take this opportunity to say that these are direct quotes from my “friend”, all the spelling errors and grammar atrocities are hers.)
“How old are the children? How’s your sex life?”
“Maybe you should take a look at what needs of yours your tring to fill…How do you feel about nursing babies past the age of 2?”
“When do you draw the line..Imagine your 12 yr still wanting to sleep with mommy and daddy because that’s all they know..Trust me Independence is the key!”
“Numerous health conditions, in regards to anyone in life, under many circumstances, shows that people who don’t get a proper sleep can become sleep deprived which can cause heath issue’s”
“Breast is best..But again I’ve seen many woman breast feed at 3 and on..who’s needs are those..Most of society weans their babies as far as 2, and that is perfectly acceptable.(by the way children are certainly already bonded with you!).Mothers who nurse past this age have the excuse oh the breast milk is the best thing for children..Absolutely.. I agree with that…SO PUMP IT OUT!”
“Are your kids allowed to get dirty at the park?”
“What happens when your kids hit teenage years and you yell at them..which will happen guaranteed, are your children going to call the cops on you for yelling..You see parents in this day and age have all the power taken away from them.”
“I’m sure your kids are going to turn out just like you..Scary!If I am such in the wrong about the topic, why is there so much literature out there opposing co-sleeping…Boy have you got a lot to learn…”
“why am I insane because i don’t agree! that does not make me insane, in fact you look like the crazy one, you can’t handle a little constructive criticism”
“Your the insane one to allow 10 feet up your ass, every-night”
“I didn’t have 2 be like this if your hormones weren’t so out of control”
Um, hello. UNFRIEND.
Y’all know my motto, right? Living the family life that comes naturally to me. I know it doesn’t work for everyone. I know that not everyone would make the same choices. I am doing what I’m doing because I think it’s best for my family. I would never, ever say that co-sleeping is for everyone, because it just isn’t. I believe, in theory, that babies belong with their parents. I believe, wholeheartedly and without any doubt, that my babies belong with me. But I can also accept that there are many people who don’t co-sleep for good reasons; I’m cool with that.
I also think there are all kinds of variations of co-sleeping: side car, crib in the same room, co-sleeping with siblings, etc. There are also people who co-sleep when there is a special need. Here’s what one of my real friends, Rhondda, had to say:
“I also like his [Dr. McKenna’s] air quotes around “never” co-slept. Many children who did not regularly bed-share with parents (or whatever words you want to use) still have had experiences of sharing sleep or bed with a parent – during illness, coming into parent’s bed after a bad dream, parent falling asleep putting child to bed, etc. My own parents definitely didn’t consciously choose to co-sleep (that would have been interesting – there were 6 kids), but I have many lovely comforting memories of being in my parent’s bed with them.”
People do what works for them. The most important point, I think, is that we continue to meet the needs of our children 24 hours a day.
So, I couldn’t really care less what this “friend” does with her children. The thing that bugged me is that she was someone from my very distant past, who popped up out of nowhere and tried to tell me that what I’m doing is wrong, or somehow harmful. No thanks.
There are some people who devote a lot of time debating different parenting issues. People get all bent out of shape and offended. Others are passionate about spreading the word about co-sleeping, breastfeeding and other hot-button issues. I have nothing but respect for these people. Me? No thanks. I mostly stay out of it. But know this peeps: Disagree with me? Sure. Respectfully tell me what you do and why it works for you? Okay. BUT, if you’re going to tell me that what I’m doing is wrong, or that I shouldn’t be doing something that has absolutely nothing to do with you, I’ll probably just tell you to fuck off. Then I’ll unfriend you. Then I’ll happily go off to sleep with 10 feet up my ass.